Monday, 9 April 2012

Pushing myself to the limit and hitting the brick wall

I feel very guilty about not being able to do very much in the home and this means leaving things like hoovering, cleaning, sweeping and the laundry to my husband.

I think the family look on me as being lazy but they say that is not so. I believe them - it is me, I just have huge guilt feelings.

I have spent the last couple of weeks pushing myself to my limit and three days ago I hit the wall. I can prepare meals with my husband's assistance. When making pastry I have to use the food processor as I sadly can no longer mix the flour and fats by hand. I have started making my own bread as I have more confidence in the contents but I now use a bread making machine.

More and more I am making my own dishes from casseroles and curries to bread and cakes. I make biscuits, quiches, pies and tarts. Some days we just make a Thai pot luck meal. This is one of our favourites as Thai curry paste has a lovely taste especially when added to vegetables, Thai soup mix and Satay.

Tajine is another favourite as it has lots of spices that I adore. We actually bought a Tajine dish which we use a great deal. Chicken is a major part of the recipe added to vegetables with added spices.

Cooking is something I feel I can do although I have to ask for some help which for me is extremely hard as I look on asking for help as a sign of weakness and it is very hard to change my mind set. Asking for help to do the hoovering, cleaning and laundry sounds like saying do this, do that - i.e. giving orders. The family say they don't mind helping around the house or doing shopping I just wish I could do it all myself.

Recently my husband read The Spoon Theory. He told me that it is what he has been telling me for years, pace myself. He has said that I should do a little then rest but I want to do it all and then of course I suffer.

After feeling I have done so well over the last couple of weeks and accomplishing so much then hitting a brick wall I see that I have to change my mindset and my ways. I will do some chores or cooking for a couple of hours and then rest. I have promised I will ask for help and not expect people to read my mind and know when I need help.

I am not saying that it will work immediately but I think we will get there.

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