I feel very guilty about not being able to do very much in the home and this means leaving things like hoovering, cleaning, sweeping and the laundry to my husband.
I think the family look on me as being lazy but they say that is not so. I believe them - it is me, I just have huge guilt feelings.
I have spent the last couple of weeks pushing myself to my limit and three days ago I hit the wall. I can prepare meals with my husband's assistance. When making pastry I have to use the food processor as I sadly can no longer mix the flour and fats by hand. I have started making my own bread as I have more confidence in the contents but I now use a bread making machine.
More and more I am making my own dishes from casseroles and curries to bread and cakes. I make biscuits, quiches, pies and tarts. Some days we just make a Thai pot luck meal. This is one of our favourites as Thai curry paste has a lovely taste especially when added to vegetables, Thai soup mix and Satay.
Tajine is another favourite as it has lots of spices that I adore. We actually bought a Tajine dish which we use a great deal. Chicken is a major part of the recipe added to vegetables with added spices.
Cooking is something I feel I can do although I have to ask for some help which for me is extremely hard as I look on asking for help as a sign of weakness and it is very hard to change my mind set. Asking for help to do the hoovering, cleaning and laundry sounds like saying do this, do that - i.e. giving orders. The family say they don't mind helping around the house or doing shopping I just wish I could do it all myself.
Recently my husband read The Spoon Theory. http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf. He told me that it is what he has been telling me for years, pace myself. He has said that I should do a little then rest but I want to do it all and then of course I suffer.
After feeling I have done so well over the last couple of weeks and accomplishing so much then hitting a brick wall I see that I have to change my mindset and my ways. I will do some chores or cooking for a couple of hours and then rest. I have promised I will ask for help and not expect people to read my mind and know when I need help.
I am not saying that it will work immediately but I think we will get there.
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