Friday, 13 January 2012

Crying isn't a sign of weakness.

I cry sometimes out of anger, frustration, guilt and sometimes just feeling sorry for myself.

Tears are healing at times and I feel people should cry to vent the feelings inside. If we let feelings build up they have to be released in someway or another. If it is not through tears then it could appear through physical activity such as smashing things, hitting, throwing.

I often feel upset when I am unable to do things I feel I should be able to do. Pain is the major factor in stopping activity. My husband has to do such a lot for me and much of that is quite intimate. He washes me, dresses me and takes me to the toilet. Toileting is the worst part for me as it is very much a personal action and having someone take you, prepare you for the toilet and then having to help you afterward is enough to reduce someone to tears. He does the shopping, cooking and also cuts up my food, sometimes he has to feed me as well.

For many years I felt in control. Working, shopping, cooking, looking after the family, swimming, aqua aerobics, running a Girl Guide unit, adult education classes. All requiring some level of activity both mental and physical. I was able to drive, in fact I needed to drive for my job. Over night it all stopped and my husband became my carer. People with think that after 10 years I would have become used to accepting the help but no. I find it difficult to accept the help and impossible to ask for help. If I need something I want to get it, go and buy it, be independent. Sometimes I think I have accepted the situation then something happens to change everything.

I burst into tears so often that upsets me! But, I have thought long and hard about crying and am of the opinion that crying isn't a sign of weakness but instead a sign that you are strong enough to allow people to see your emotions.

Allowing emotions to show allows people to see that you have feelings and that you can be affected by what you have to cope with.

Being vulnerable is difficult and people don't understand how living day to day with pain affects your life unless they are in the same position. I need to vent my feelings because if I try to keep a stiff upper lip I can feel the stress building up.

I don't think it is a matter of crying all the time but if you are able to cry now and again it helps to ease the pain inside as well as the pain in your joints. I say this because if I let it build up inside me my joints start to hurt, crying seems to ease all pain.

So if you hurt inside or out shed a tear or two and show you are human, you can be hurt and you are above all strong enough to show the world.

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